Loss

It is said that God doesn't waste any experience, and I tend to believe it.  That does not necessarily mean that every experience is fully used in our lives.  I believe our sin nature gets in the way, but through humble submission we embrace what God is doing in our lives.

I say this because today is a day of memorial for my wife and I.  We experienced great loss on this day two years ago and God has not wasted that pain.  Our experience and understanding of His grace have been severely deepened.  We can now love and care in ways we never would have been able to before.

In a world where pain and suffering is so prominent, let us praise the Lord that He doesn't waste it: Romans 5:3-5  ^"Not only so, but we^[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."

Abba-ology

I have been spending some time reading up on how to be a Godly Father for my daughter.  This recent study has caused me to ask the question: would a class on this subject be named Abbaology?

So far it seems good abbaology yields two Is: Invested and Intentional!

Change; at what cost?

I have been wrestling with a seemingly simple question lately:

Can there be change without sacrifice?

The Gravity of Sin

Nothing has informed me to the gravity of sin more than the sorrow of my loss.

Noah, I miss you!

Purpose Driven Self

I have, and will be, doing a lot of reflection on "Purpose".  It strikes me as ironic that many of us spend our youth avoiding purpose, only to have our "grown up" lives riddled with the lack of it!  It reminds me of a quote I once heard: "Aim for nothing and you will most certainly hit it."

In fact, as I have worked as a CNA at nursing homes, I have seen first hand the devastating results of lives completely stripped of purpose.  Great sorrow accompanies those who cannot muster up the motivation that purpose creates, but those who have purpose and who are defined by it don't live a dull day.

I recently watched the movie "Moneyball".  It struck me when the Billy Beane says "I've been in this game so long, I want it to mean something".  He eventually turns down 12.5 million dollars to stay with that purpose, to be about something.  Our hope in heaven must be the purpose giver in our lives.  We must be like the sinful woman who wiped and kissed Jesus' feet in Luke 7:37-39.  She understood her great sin and how great Christ's forgiveness is, there for her life purpose was to glorify and serve him.

Deity and the Dentist

Through a set of circumstances far to lengthy and boring to write on this blog, I found myself at the dentists this morning for the first time since 2006.  I learned two valuable lessons: without proper care your teeth will decay and that belief is a far greater motivator for me than fear.

My last dental visit ended with a "doom and gloom" declaration from my inexperienced dentist as he told me I would likely loose all my teeth by my middle age.  That gripped me, I carried a great weight around with me for a while and felt really bad about the decisions I had made.  But as tight as that fear gripped me, it only brought momentary change.  Eventually life got busy and I felt I was now taking pretty good care of my teeth, so that powerful fear withered.  Inevitably, once I was no longer afraid of losing my teeth, I again picked up the habits which were so detrimental to them.

Flash forward to January 23rd, 2012 and I found out that the month or two of better teeth care really hadn't saved my teeth after all.  There I sat again, listened to a dentist drone on about cavities, decay, flossing, and so on...  but this visit ended differently.  The dentist sat me down and instead of talking down to me like a child being scolded by his parent, he gently broke the hard reality that one of my teeth was "beyond saving".  After that he said, "other than that you need some work, but with that work, and a change in habits, you can expect to have your teeth the rest of your life."  That gave me hope; he believed that I could make the change and helped me to see just how necessary it was.  Because of that hope, I sit here more willing than I have ever felt to quit drinking pop (soda), and not just for a few months, but to actually make a life change.

Just as fear of losing my teeth was only motivating until I no longer had a dentist reminding me of it, so also if I only stop sinning because I fear being caught, I will continue in all of my sins that I feel I will get away with.  I think this is a mindset that plagues the contemporary Christian community.  Our issue comes from a few different directions:
1.  I believe that I can get away with some sin, therefore I must either not believe God is omniscient/omnipotent, or I believe that God's judgement is not worthy.
2.  I believe that the opinion of people is the basis for reality.
3.  I do not understand/believe that sin is actually destructive.

But as sure as my teeth are decaying through poor hygiene habits, our souls will decay from poor spiritual habits as well.  You may not see it immediately as I do not with my teeth, but as a chapel speaker reminded me today, "Your sin will always find you out."  God's hatred of sin is not just a nominal thing, but it is because sin causes real destruction and pain, and until we take up the spiritual disciplines it will decay our soul, blurring the line between moral and immoral, righteous and unrighteous, sinful and Godly, truth and falsehood.

So today at the dentist I learned far more valuable life lessons than just how to keep my pearly whites... I was reminded of the importance of spiritual disciplines.

Refocusing

It would be fairly accurate to describe me as scatterbrained, distracted, extroverted, unfocused, easily drawn away... maybe even a bit confused.  Whatever the description, this blog has become a testimony to a way of life for me.

Step one, think up a new idea

Step two, jump in with both feet

Step three, think up a new idea

And so my life has left the trail of a thousand unfinished projects, goals, desires.  It is no surprise that I just completed my first full year being employed full time at the same job.  And even further that I am about to leave said job in 10 days.  It shouldn't be shocking that I will be taking up residence in my third state in less than two years of marriage.  And equally it should be no revelation that I now no longer have plans of furthering my Seminary education.

My two seminary classes were highly enjoyable and I did well in them, but I feel a bit like the little princess in Tangled singing "When will my life begin"?  I want to be doing what I have pursued since high school, not studying about it, and for it, more and more.  Someone probably needs to slap me in the face and remind me that we are always doers of ministry, in a position or not... but doing seminary was not going to help me become a youth pastor faster.

So now my wife and I have refocused our attention to getting rid of college debt because it is primarily college debt which holds us back from taking a ministry position.  Still, I will remain a theological journeyman in spite of no longer pursuing a seminary degree, and now I will journey to the sandy shores of lake Michigan as the next step.

Peace and love,

Mark Worth